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“The hospitality of need is an antidote for self-centeredness. The dance of giving and receiving takes us in precisely the opposite direction of selfishness and its pitfalls. It reorients not only our outward actions but also, critically, our thought life too.” p.195
When Moody Publishers asked me if I would like to review The Hospitality of Need by Kevan Chandler and Pastor Tommy Shelton, I was delighted. I learned of Kevan Chandler years ago through S. D. Smith and We Carry Kevan. The title of this book is strong and inviting. And, the subtitle, How Depending on One Another Helps Us Heal and Grow Together, intrigued me.
We all know that as Christians, it is our privilege and our duty to meet others in their need and to help them. This is part of building up the Body of Christ. But inviting others into our needs is much harder. It can feel selfish. It can feel as if we are imposing on others. It certainly doesn’t feel like we are offering hospitality when we do so. But, like so very many things about the Gospel, Christ often upsets our expectations and calls us into the unexpected.
“Needs shake us, whether they belong to us or someone else. If we’re in proximity, they can change us. They can cause us–force us– to slow down or keep up, to think and act differently from our norm. They can pull us out of our comfort zones and disrupt the ideal rhythms by which we usually function. They can either set right the broken or break the too-perfect.” pg. 112
I approached this book with curiosity and willingness to learn. Chandler is an excellent storyteller and his story could easily be made into blockbuster movies. More importantly, he uses his story to help us understand something that is totally foreign to our American self-reliance and independent natures. In his story, we see how Chandler’s health requires him to be always dependent on the willingness of others to care for him. He could approach this with a sense of entitlement or depression. Instead, he chooses to use his needs as a way of ministering to others. And through his example, we are invited to contemplate how we can do the same.
“Dr. Cross is one of the leading experts on studies in childhood trauma and the process of attachment, or as he and Dr. Purvis coined it, Trust-Based Relational Intervention (TBRI). In a discussion with me about the hospitality of need, he pointed out that the ‘reciprocity of meeting needs is built into our DNA, grounded in our DNA, grounded in our brains.’ He said that this is because ‘when mothers are caring for their infants, they get endorphin rushes…’” pg. 103
While the storytelling is the most exciting part of the book, Chandler and his writing partner, Pastor Tommy Shelton, support everything with reflections on Scripture and science. We are drawn into Chandler’s story, but because the Gospel is for us all, we are invited into contemplation on how these truths should be lived out in our own lives. And because God is the creator of science, we see how science supports these ideals and helps us to see that these truths are hardwired into us.
This exciting and thoughtful story is a joy to read. I found it challenging in the best possible way. I read this book slowly because I was truly entering into it and praying about how to honestly consider my own needs. Because of my own issues in life, I was forced to become quite self-reliant. This book was a sometimes painful but always good invitation to find ways to invite others into some of my very specific needs–despite my anxiety about doing so.
I would recommend this book to just about anyone, and am considering using it as a book club book for moms in my library this fall. I think that this might be particularly good for teens.